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Another Musing...
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Another Musing...
This weeks Musings I’m trying not to get so controversial or political. I am going to go a more reflective and personal route.
I have found myself in a place in my life that came unexpectedly. When I say “unexpected” I am not saying that unforeseen circumstances were entirely to blame. A lot of it is my own doing along with my Ostrich-like hiding my head in the sand and not seeing or preparing for what may be around the next turn in the road. Change…that is not something I do well.
Do you remember that joke about the chicken crossing the road? Well…I tend to be like that chicken crossing the road as I live my life. (Yes I realize I am mixing my bird metaphors…Ostrich and Chicken. But bear with me…) Never mind why I crossed the road…it’s more how I crossed the road. For most of my life…I would just start walking across all lanes of the road. I would sometimes try to look out for traffic but mostly rely on ignorant luck or happenstance to avoid being just so much road kill. Sometimes I realized the danger and I would run as fast as my little chicken feet will carry me. Often, however, I obliviously cross in front of an oncoming car and it will clip my wing and spin me around pretty good… but, I stumble on… bruised and dizzy but still intent on getting to the “other side” of the road. Well…recently, mostly the result of my own inattentiveness to where I was or what I was doing, I was spun around by a speeding sports car….thrown under a bus…then knocked into a ditch by a SUV…feathers flying and squawking the whole time.
I won’t go into to many details. Many here have heard it all too often. The past is not what I am musing about today. It is me taking on another bird persona…a Phoenix. Yes the mythical bird that rises out of the ashes…to fly again.
In the middle of a career change, all be it a forced career change, I am a laid off Teacher…one of thousands in an economically challenged State. I have seen a 12 year relationship end, fracturing apart a household with 2 very loving if not traditional parents and 2 remarkably stable children into two households with one, still loving, parent in each and two still remarkably stable kids. You know the drill…every other weekend pack them up and send them off…sigh. Finding the need to redefine my family and my relationship with my children’s “Other” Mother. (Which, is one of the kinder names I have called her in the past year or so….). This has been my main focus as I brush off those ashes….
I have gone from being so afraid that I wouldn’t even venture out to the road again…to cautiously walking on the sidewalk. I have gone from being lost in self pity and anger at my circumstances and my Ex for, among other things, not showing any signs of the hurt…confusion….anger and frustration I was feeling. It was like she had no feather out of place as she went flying off in a different direction. I have come to see now that she has been just as lost as I was…only less aware. I have come to see that she is not the “Cool Mom” but the one who has lost the most because of her need for flight. A need she is still pursuing.
I think I have, again, found my own wings. I see that I am usually the one my girls run to….and in my role as the “Boring” day to day mom, it is me that see’s the things that may make them go in a dangerous direction. Cool Mom sees this as well and is coming to terms with it. We are now forging a different kind of partnership, a new kind of friendship…separate but equal.
I am also feeling, more and more each day, ready to venture out into traffic again. (No...I did not say WONDER out into traffic I said venture...I am not as crazy as I sound...LOL!! I try not to be as oblivious as I was as I move forward and I try not to look backwards.
The point to my musings here today here on this website I and some of my closest friends have created. This site that hopefully, myself and others can come together to find what we need to navigate through the traffic of life or just escape it for awhile. My point is that I see now more than ever... it is all about forgiveness…maybe not total absolution but…forgiveness. For myself and for others around me.
As you can see, I am willing to share what I am learning. No need to open up like this if the mood does not hit you. The mood often strikes me but, most of the time I am here to find a smile or maybe meet someone new. Even if I should encounter people I may have had past connections with…good or bad…there is a way to move forward with them. My eyes are now on oncoming traffic a bit more…and my little chicken feet are ready to dance…with ANYONE who would like to park their fast cars long enough to come here to dance with me to the other side of the road.
Man…all this chicken talk…makes me hungry for Kentucky Fried Chicken….LOL!!
Oh Brother
I have found myself in a place in my life that came unexpectedly. When I say “unexpected” I am not saying that unforeseen circumstances were entirely to blame. A lot of it is my own doing along with my Ostrich-like hiding my head in the sand and not seeing or preparing for what may be around the next turn in the road. Change…that is not something I do well.
Do you remember that joke about the chicken crossing the road? Well…I tend to be like that chicken crossing the road as I live my life. (Yes I realize I am mixing my bird metaphors…Ostrich and Chicken. But bear with me…) Never mind why I crossed the road…it’s more how I crossed the road. For most of my life…I would just start walking across all lanes of the road. I would sometimes try to look out for traffic but mostly rely on ignorant luck or happenstance to avoid being just so much road kill. Sometimes I realized the danger and I would run as fast as my little chicken feet will carry me. Often, however, I obliviously cross in front of an oncoming car and it will clip my wing and spin me around pretty good… but, I stumble on… bruised and dizzy but still intent on getting to the “other side” of the road. Well…recently, mostly the result of my own inattentiveness to where I was or what I was doing, I was spun around by a speeding sports car….thrown under a bus…then knocked into a ditch by a SUV…feathers flying and squawking the whole time.
I won’t go into to many details. Many here have heard it all too often. The past is not what I am musing about today. It is me taking on another bird persona…a Phoenix. Yes the mythical bird that rises out of the ashes…to fly again.
In the middle of a career change, all be it a forced career change, I am a laid off Teacher…one of thousands in an economically challenged State. I have seen a 12 year relationship end, fracturing apart a household with 2 very loving if not traditional parents and 2 remarkably stable children into two households with one, still loving, parent in each and two still remarkably stable kids. You know the drill…every other weekend pack them up and send them off…sigh. Finding the need to redefine my family and my relationship with my children’s “Other” Mother. (Which, is one of the kinder names I have called her in the past year or so….). This has been my main focus as I brush off those ashes….
I have gone from being so afraid that I wouldn’t even venture out to the road again…to cautiously walking on the sidewalk. I have gone from being lost in self pity and anger at my circumstances and my Ex for, among other things, not showing any signs of the hurt…confusion….anger and frustration I was feeling. It was like she had no feather out of place as she went flying off in a different direction. I have come to see now that she has been just as lost as I was…only less aware. I have come to see that she is not the “Cool Mom” but the one who has lost the most because of her need for flight. A need she is still pursuing.
I think I have, again, found my own wings. I see that I am usually the one my girls run to….and in my role as the “Boring” day to day mom, it is me that see’s the things that may make them go in a dangerous direction. Cool Mom sees this as well and is coming to terms with it. We are now forging a different kind of partnership, a new kind of friendship…separate but equal.
I am also feeling, more and more each day, ready to venture out into traffic again. (No...I did not say WONDER out into traffic I said venture...I am not as crazy as I sound...LOL!! I try not to be as oblivious as I was as I move forward and I try not to look backwards.
The point to my musings here today here on this website I and some of my closest friends have created. This site that hopefully, myself and others can come together to find what we need to navigate through the traffic of life or just escape it for awhile. My point is that I see now more than ever... it is all about forgiveness…maybe not total absolution but…forgiveness. For myself and for others around me.
As you can see, I am willing to share what I am learning. No need to open up like this if the mood does not hit you. The mood often strikes me but, most of the time I am here to find a smile or maybe meet someone new. Even if I should encounter people I may have had past connections with…good or bad…there is a way to move forward with them. My eyes are now on oncoming traffic a bit more…and my little chicken feet are ready to dance…with ANYONE who would like to park their fast cars long enough to come here to dance with me to the other side of the road.
Man…all this chicken talk…makes me hungry for Kentucky Fried Chicken….LOL!!
Oh Brother
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Another Musing... :: Comments
Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:12 am paperinik
Mother Ocean wrote:This weeks Musings I’m trying not to get so controversial or political. I am going to go a more reflective and personal route.
I have found myself in a place in my life that came unexpectedly. When I say “unexpected” I am not saying that unforeseen circumstances were entirely to blame. A lot of it is my own doing along with my Ostrich-like hiding my head in the sand and not seeing or preparing for what may be around the next turn in the road. Change…that is not something I do well.
Do you remember that joke about the chicken crossing the road? Well…I tend to be like that chicken crossing the road as I live my life. (Yes I realize I am mixing my bird metaphors…Ostrich and Chicken. But bear with me…) Never mind why I crossed the road…it’s more how I crossed the road. For most of my life…I would just start walking across all lanes of the road. I would sometimes try to look out for traffic but mostly rely on ignorant luck or happenstance to avoid being just so much road kill. Sometimes I realized the danger and I would run as fast as my little chicken feet will carry me. Often, however, I obliviously cross in front of an oncoming car and it will clip my wing and spin me around pretty good… but, I stumble on… bruised and dizzy but still intent on getting to the “other side” of the road. Well…recently, mostly the result of my own inattentiveness to where I was or what I was doing, I was spun around by a speeding sports car….thrown under a bus…then knocked into a ditch by a SUV…feathers flying and squawking the whole time.
I won’t go into to many details. Many here have heard it all too often. The past is not what I am musing about today. It is me taking on another bird persona…a Phoenix. Yes the mythical bird that rises out of the ashes…to fly again.
In the middle of a career change, all be it a forced career change, I am a laid off Teacher…one of thousands in an economically challenged State. I have seen a 12 year relationship end, fracturing apart a household with 2 very loving if not traditional parents and 2 remarkably stable children into two households with one, still loving, parent in each and two still remarkably stable kids. You know the drill…every other weekend pack them up and send them off…sigh. Finding the need to redefine my family and my relationship with my children’s “Other” Mother. (Which, is one of the kinder names I have called her in the past year or so….). This has been my main focus as I brush off those ashes….
I have gone from being so afraid that I wouldn’t even venture out to the road again…to cautiously walking on the sidewalk. I have gone from being lost in self pity and anger at my circumstances and my Ex for, among other things, not showing any signs of the hurt…confusion….anger and frustration I was feeling. It was like she had no feather out of place as she went flying off in a different direction. I have come to see now that she has been just as lost as I was…only less aware. I have come to see that she is not the “Cool Mom” but the one who has lost the most because of her need for flight. A need she is still pursuing.
I think I have, again, found my own wings. I see that I am usually the one my girls run to….and in my role as the “Boring” day to day mom, it is me that see’s the things that may make them go in a dangerous direction. Cool Mom sees this as well and is coming to terms with it. We are now forging a different kind of partnership, a new kind of friendship…separate but equal.
I am also feeling, more and more each day, ready to venture out into traffic again. (No...I did not say WONDER out into traffic I said venture...I am not as crazy as I sound...LOL!! I try not to be as oblivious as I was as I move forward and I try not to look backwards.
The point to my musings here today here on this website I and some of my closest friends have created. This site that hopefully, myself and others can come together to find what we need to navigate through the traffic of life or just escape it for awhile. My point is that I see now more than ever... it is all about forgiveness…maybe not total absolution but…forgiveness. For myself and for others around me.
As you can see, I am willing to share what I am learning. No need to open up like this if the mood does not hit you. The mood often strikes me but, most of the time I am here to find a smile or maybe meet someone new. Even if I should encounter people I may have had past connections with…good or bad…there is a way to move forward with them. My eyes are now on oncoming traffic a bit more…and my little chicken feet are ready to dance…with ANYONE who would like to park their fast cars long enough to come here to dance with me to the other side of the road.
Man…all this chicken talk…makes me hungry for Kentucky Fried Chicken….LOL!!
Oh Brother
WOW!!! I'm moved, but in the same time I make me hungry...
Seriously, I remember a phrase by ... uhmmmmm damn I don't remember it.. but in this movie there was a phrase . " The freedom must be shared" I think "The own life" must be shared. I like your way to explain your climate. I think all experiences in the life, should help us to grow the part the best of us and not the worst.
I learn so much hearding from the other's life and especially, that my the best friends.
Walk on the route, but with attention but looking far.
Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:26 am minnie
WOW Mother , how inspired and how inspiring !
Your musings make me muse , give me a couple of years before I can reveal mine!
For now, I am so happy you have found your wings.
We all were born with wings, but sometimes we are not ready to fly or we have too many fears.
Fly high , Little Chicken, but not too far , we all need to keep an eye on you !!
Your musings make me muse , give me a couple of years before I can reveal mine!
For now, I am so happy you have found your wings.
We all were born with wings, but sometimes we are not ready to fly or we have too many fears.
Fly high , Little Chicken, but not too far , we all need to keep an eye on you !!
Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:47 pm Mother Ocean
I forgot one important thing when using my "chicken" analogy....yes I found my wings.....but chickens do not fly!! Oh well....sigh....
Hmmmmm....chicken wings....DAMN!! I am hungry again!!! This is a vicious cycle!!!! LOL!!
Hmmmmm....chicken wings....DAMN!! I am hungry again!!! This is a vicious cycle!!!! LOL!!
Sat Oct 23, 2010 12:40 am minnie
You are too 
Mother, LOL !
No they can't fly , but may be if you give them a surfboard and if the wind blows...who knows?
.gif)
Mother, LOL !No they can't fly , but may be if you give them a surfboard and if the wind blows...who knows?
.gif)
.gif)
Sat Oct 23, 2010 1:30 am paperinik
minnie wrote:Like this
FANTASTIC!!!!! I prostrate myself , Reverend Mother!!!
Sat Oct 23, 2010 3:11 am minnie
Dear Mother,
Just to give your musings a tone of seriousness again.
Sorry for the silly.... henhouse.
First of all , thank you for sharing your musings and this part of your life with us.
The more I live, the more I realize that life is a high hurdles, a mountain to climb and before you get to the top you will stumble and fall many times. The loss of a loved one, a break-up, the need to leave the place where you were born and grown because it can’t give you the chance to survive, the loss of a job.
Everything explodes on your face like a bomb and every bomb will dig inside you deep wounds.
You won’t be anymore who you were before or what you wanted to be. You are not the same person and you realize this after years, when you look in the mirror and you don’t recognize yourself anymore..
Where is my smile, where my enthusiasm, where my energy , you wonder?
You live and you think you are living by inertial force until you decide finally to turn your eyes around you and you know that it is not true, you love being alive, you love living.
Bombs explode and nobody warns you. In the same way, unexpectedly, flowers bloom in front of you . It is written in the laws of life. Something … or someone who can’t bring back who you were, but gives you a push, weak or strong , and you take another step and understand that you feel like walking again.
Many of the pushes that I get everyday come from people I have around me in my real life. The most important came and still come from friends I have met on line.
That’s why , like you , I look at this site like a flower that is blooming in front of me and I am ready to dance with you and anyone on this site who loves dancing..
Just to give your musings a tone of seriousness again.
Sorry for the silly.... henhouse.
First of all , thank you for sharing your musings and this part of your life with us.
The more I live, the more I realize that life is a high hurdles, a mountain to climb and before you get to the top you will stumble and fall many times. The loss of a loved one, a break-up, the need to leave the place where you were born and grown because it can’t give you the chance to survive, the loss of a job.
Everything explodes on your face like a bomb and every bomb will dig inside you deep wounds.
You won’t be anymore who you were before or what you wanted to be. You are not the same person and you realize this after years, when you look in the mirror and you don’t recognize yourself anymore..
Where is my smile, where my enthusiasm, where my energy , you wonder?
You live and you think you are living by inertial force until you decide finally to turn your eyes around you and you know that it is not true, you love being alive, you love living.
Bombs explode and nobody warns you. In the same way, unexpectedly, flowers bloom in front of you . It is written in the laws of life. Something … or someone who can’t bring back who you were, but gives you a push, weak or strong , and you take another step and understand that you feel like walking again.
Many of the pushes that I get everyday come from people I have around me in my real life. The most important came and still come from friends I have met on line.
That’s why , like you , I look at this site like a flower that is blooming in front of me and I am ready to dance with you and anyone on this site who loves dancing..
Sat Oct 23, 2010 4:45 am paperinik
Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:47 pm yellowsmileyfaces
I thank you for your muse mom. It is very insightful. I must say that I am very proud to know you. No matter what is thrown at you, you always seem to get back up, or make it across that road so to speak.
I too have learned alot in the last couple of months. I have learned that it is ok to be who I am, but that does not mean I need to show that to just anyone and everyone before they prove themselves to be trustworthy. Also I have learned that feelings do not justify hurting, lying or betraying anyone. Mostly, however, I have learned who my real friends are. Thank you for being one of them, thank you for giving me a place to be with and make new friends, and thank you for being someone I can aspire to be more like.
I too have learned alot in the last couple of months. I have learned that it is ok to be who I am, but that does not mean I need to show that to just anyone and everyone before they prove themselves to be trustworthy. Also I have learned that feelings do not justify hurting, lying or betraying anyone. Mostly, however, I have learned who my real friends are. Thank you for being one of them, thank you for giving me a place to be with and make new friends, and thank you for being someone I can aspire to be more like.
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